Autocorrect
by Smnbkr
Summary: Lisbon decides to text Jane about his napping problem, but autocorrect decides to make an appearence making the convo a little awkward. Slight sexual reference. Next two chapters by dreamingofabetterday. Check out her other stuff.:
1. Lisbon's typo

LPOV

Jane was always sleeping on that damn couch. It just makes me so angry how he can doze off in the middle of the day. Pulling my phone out of my pocket I decided to send him a quick text.

_Dear Jane, Get up now and stop fapping on the couch you are embarrassing the team. Lisbon. _

Jane aimlessly searched for his phone finally pulling it out of his vest pocket. He flipped his phone open and read over the text. He looked kind of surprised as he read over it a few times before he mustered up a reply.

_Dear Lisbon, I am not fapping on the couch I think it would be a little more obvious if I was though. Like my hand being in my pants or my penis being out of them, but I do apologize for NAPPING on the couch. Love your non masturbating consultant Me._

What the hell? I looked over the text a few times before it dawned on me what happened. This phone was really starting to get on my nerves it always did crap like that.

_Sorry Jane for wrongfully accusing you of masturbating at work. _His phone chirped to life and he read my text.

_Uhhh…Yeah haha lets go with that. ;). _Well you learn something new everyday. It was actually turning me on a little thinking that he did that in the office.

_JANE! Do you know how gross that is? Do you do it in the open where people could see you? _He smiled and quickly typed a reply before sliding his phone into his pocket and walking to the kitchen.

_Do you think I am stupid? I do it in your office. :p_


	2. Rigsby's typo

LPOV

Jane and Rigsby were both late today which was unusual, well it was for Rigsby. Maybe they were together they did seem to be getting closer since Rigsby and Grace broke up. I sent Rigsby a quick text since he was the most likely to text back.

_Hey are you and Jane together? _It didn't take very long to get a reply.

_Yeah boss we are hitting old people at the nursing home. One lady started to cry. It is uplifting to know we did that. _Wait? What? They are hitting old people?

_What the hell Rigsby? Why are you hitting old people? When you get back to the office I expect a full incident report. _Jane has already had enough trouble this week and now this. There is no way Laroche will over look this. Great now I had to find the papers that needed to be filed for an assault on a senior citizen. This would not look good on either of their records. _No. No. No. We are HELPING the old people here. One lady started to cry because Jane looked like her son or something. We are not abusing the elderly residents of a senior citizen home. _Well at least I did not have to dig out the paper work which was a relief. _Do not scare me like that again I almost called Laroche to tell him what happened. _I sighed heavily and let the humor of the incident settle in. It was actually quite funny when you weren't freaking out about two members of your team getting fired. _That would have been bad. Jane is laughing his ass off. He said that technology ruins lives and I think I believe him. We will be there in an hour._


	3. Jane's typo

JPOV

My phone buzzed three times since I had pulled into the CBI parking lot. Finally it seemed necessary to answer the text. _Jane where are you it is like 12? I can't find a spot to park? _Of course it was Grace she was always worried about everything. _I'm attempting to kill myself, but there seems to be too many people here. _Eventually somebody pulled out of a space. _Oh my god Jane where are you? If you are that depressed you can talk to somebody about your problems. I know you don't like shrinks but it may do you good. Please do not do anything I will come and get you. _The text kind of threw me a bit. What on earth was she talking about? I decided to go back and read through the conversation. _Grace calm down. I'm sorry I meant to write find one myself. I hate this phone well I guess that is what you get for texting and driving :o. _I hoped she read it quickly so she wasn't frantically trying to find me. _JANE that is not funny you scared me half to death. I think I just had a panic attack! O_o_


	4. Grace's typo

GPOV

Today was such a long day I sat at my desk while Cho and Rigsby got to arrest our murderer. They were gone for awhile so I text Cho to see what was going on. _Hey chinker what's up with the case? _I put my phone down and walked over to Jane to see what he was doing. He was in Lisbon's office throwing little origami frogs onto the corner of her desk. One landed on top of the other and he jumped up and cheered loudly. That man was always up to something. Lisbon pushed the frogs off her desk and Jane fell back onto the couch pouting slightly. Giggling lightly I went over to my desk again to see what Cho said. _Excuse me? Ok one I'm Korean and two WTH? _It only took me a few seconds to start to feel really guilty about what I said. _No OMG Cho I meant CHO as in your name CHO. I am not racist and you know that. I am so so so so so sorry. :,(. _Jane popped out of Lisbon's office carrying a crap load of paper frogs. He walked up to me and dropped them on my desk with a smile before scurrying off o some other unknown location. Little paper frogs started to hop off of my desk. Cho finally wrote back to me. He seemed to be more expressive when he texts it was odd. _Oh umm well that's cool sorry for accusing you of that. :/_


	5. Cho's typo

CPOV

Rigsby bugged me the entire time to stop to get something to eat. Eventually we stopped at the little taco stand near the office. The team was probably hungry as well so I sent the team a text. _Do you guys want a taco from the stand outside me and Rigsby are there now? _It took awhile before everyone texted back Jane and Grace didn't want anything, but Lisbon did. _Hey Cho can you get me a chalupa? _I told Rigsby what she order and he asked if she wanted hard or soft shell. _Do you want a hard on? _I ordered mine while I waited for her to text back. _Umm. I'll pass for now, but I do want a hard shell taco. I hope that is what you meant if not then I'll still pass. _Oh wow that was embarrassing especially since it was the boss. _Yeah. I'm sorry this phone makes me angry it makes me sound perverted. I will get you your taco see you soon._


	6. Jane's typo 2

JPOV

"Hey Jane ask boss if she wants some muffins from Delano's." Rigsby of course was eager to get more food. _Do you want to have babies? The ones that are chocolate? _Rigsby stared at the box with such admiration it was kind of creeping me out. How can a man care so much about food? _Jane what the hell are you talking about? We aren't even together and you want kids? What do you mean by chocolate?_ Rigsby has since picked up the box of muffins and purchased them anyway without Lisbon's answer. _Okay I meant MUFFINS and hey people have babies all the time without being together. _Rigsby and I returned to the car and started to drive back to the CBI. _Yes you guys can have your muffins. _"Jane did you see that?" Rigsby was pointing at some old guy sitting naked in the middle of the road. The man was sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth. "What the hell dude? Why would you show me that? You couldn't drive by and stare like a normal ass human being?" _Rigsby and I just saw a naked old guy. It was very strange, and we would have cute chocolate babies. My charming good looks and your ability to store said child would play over nicely into his characteristics. _


	7. Chapter 7

Lisbon sighed. The stack of paperwork on her desk was going down but very slowly. She felt as though she'd been sat there for an eternity. She happened to look up and out into the bullpen to see an empty desk where Grace usually sat. She frowned; that wasn't normal for Grace. This was the third time in ten minutes that she had seen the vacant seat. If she had gone to the bathroom, she would probably be back by now. She whipped out her phone and sent a quick message to Jane.

"Hey Jane, where's Van Pelt?"  
>She didn't have to wait long for the reply.<p>

"No idea. She ran out a while ago.  
>She didn't look so good earlier. Is she okay?"<br>"I doubt it, she's probably in the bathroom getting dick."  
>"She better not be!"<br>"It's okay, I'm sure you won't get it."  
>"Sorry?"<br>"She probably won't give it to you. You should go check on her."  
>"Not if that's happening!"<br>"What? She's your friend, if she's sick then surely you should be there for her?"  
>"Oh, sick! Thank goodness for that."<br>"What?"  
>"Well, you didn't put sick…"<br>"Oh crap, sorry, it's this damn phone. Grace isn't getting dick as far as I'm aware. It's safe to go and check on her."


	8. Chapter 8

Jane yawned and stretched as he sat up on his couch. The entire office was deserted, unusual for eight o'clock at night. He thought for a moment. Their latest case had been leading them all over the place and he was certain that he had just come up with the perfect plan to crack it. But he was going to need a little help. It had to be a woman, that was for certain, and there was no way that Lisbon would ever agree. His eyes travelled over to the desk closest to the door. Perfect. He dug around in his jacket pocket for his phone.

Jane: Grace, you busy?  
>Grace: Yeah, just sewing my vag up. Rigsby ripped it earlier. Idiot.<br>Jane: HE DID WHAT?  
>Grace: Calm down, it's only a little tear. It's just where he was playing with it. Trust me, it's been through worse damage.<br>Jane: I didn't realize he was so rough. Surely you should be in the hospital?  
>Grace: NO! I just read what I put and I meant bag! He ripped my bag! Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed! <p>


	9. Chapter 9

Four fifths of the team sighed simultaneously. It had been a tough week, tougher than any of them cared to think about. The only one missing was Grace. She, as usual, had stayed back a little later to finish up paperwork and reports. She'd been doing that a lot recently. But she'd promised to join them soon in the bar they were currently sat in. Lisbon rubbed her eyes.

'Drinks?'

Almost instantly, she was given orders from her team and with a small smile, got up and headed to the bar, pausing only to drop Grace a text.  
><em><br>- We're getting drinks in, what do you fancy? And how long you going to be?_

She had just given the barman the orders when her phone bleeped.

- _Vodka and cock please, I need it. Be with you in five_ minutes.

Lisbon chuckled before responding. She knew it was a mistake but she couldn't resist the joke.

_- Large one?_

_- God yes, I'm desperate. Thanks boss._

By now, Lisbon was practically hysterical. She replied quickly.

- _Check your first message._

_- Damn I meant coke. Wow, that's embarrassing. Sorry about that._


End file.
